Is it Friday yet? It seems like the shorter the week the more the days drag. This morning has been nothing but a headache and I went to Home Goods in hopes of finding a few things I was looking for. All I wanted was a new tablecloth or placemats, a cupcake carrier and some sort throw pillows for our bed. I found nada! My kitchen is pink and so I figured it would be easy to find something that matched. Not the case. All of the pink tablecloths and placemats were ugly and old ladyish. There were really cute polka dot ones that came in every color but pink. Our bedroom is pink and brown (I know I'm really lucky to have found a man who doesn't mind all the pink). The throw pillows suprised me too because they were lacking any thing with even a hint of pink. The cupcake carrier I wasn't as suprised about but I was hopeful. Oh well I guess I'll have to look online and see if I can find something.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The busyness continued as we headed for a car show in Santa Maria on Friday. Hubby has been going to this car show for years but it has always been held in Paso Robles. Apparently some drama went down with the city council so they moved it to Santa Maria this year. We weren't sure how good it would be but were hopeful it would still be as fun.
Posted by Laura at 10:20 AM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wow ever since last Friday it has been a whirlwind of activities. Thankfully all fun but exhausting none the less.
Posted by Laura at 1:18 PM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Ever since Saturday my eating has been less than stellar. For some reason this month, the PMS monster had me in a tighter grip than usual. I've been snacking like crazy on not so healthy things. Plus, I skipped the gym on Monday night to go shopping. I know it's only one day but paired with bad eating habits I can quickly derail. Yesterday I thought I deserved a day to blow it big time and was excited to eat something really greasy. I convinced myself that I also didn't need to go to the gym that night. I went out at lunch and picked up some Chinese food and was so excited to get back and eat it. After I took the first bite I realized it wasn't as good as I had built it up to be in my head. I kept eating though, reminding myself I "deserve" this. Afterwards, I felt awful. Not only did my stomach hurt, I felt like a slug. All I wanted to do was lay down and take a nap. Even though I had already decided I deserved a night off from the gym, now I couldn't even imagine working out in this state.
Of course as it always happens when I gorge myself on junk, I beat myself up and labeled myself a failure. As I was driving home, I was shaming myself with the usual things I say when I've blown it in the past. "You might as well just give up." "I knew you couldn't keep this up, you might as well accept your fate as a fatty." Then I had a moment and one of those cheesy motivational Weight Watcher lines popped into my head. "If you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got." This made me think of two things. If I keep convincing myself I'm a failure at staying thin long term, I'll continue a lifestyle of yo-yo weight loss. I don't want that and this is the closest I've been to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I want to keep it that way rather than this become just another period in my life where I've lost weight. It's been 8 months since I got serious about getting in shape and it would really suck to have to start that count over. It also made me think, since it has been 8 months, obviously I've been doing something right. I can go back to my normal routine and I'll be fine. I may gain a few pounds but after a few days back in the swing of things it will come back off. So I realized it comes down to a decision. Let this be the mistake that derails all my hardwork or let it be a lesson and an opportunity to grow.
I chose the latter and decided that even though I felt like crap and had told myself I deserved a day off from the gym, I needed to go. I knew it would get me back on track and plus I really enjoy working out. Especially since I would have missed my step class. So as soon as I got home, I changed into my workout clothes. I can't stand the thought of taking off workout clothes without having actually worked out so I knew that once they were on I'd make it to the gym. I got to the gym and it felt good to be there. Even though I had only missed one workout I felt out of whack. Class was good but I could definitely feel my Chinese food bouncing around. Half way through I actually threw up in mouth. Sorry that is so disgusting but it really reminded me of another reason to not eat like crap. Besides keeping my weight in check, staying within my points makes me feel so much stronger and energetic. I was able to make it through but with a lot less vigor than usual.
Last night I knew I needed to equip myself. As much as I was motivated, it's still easy to let those negative thoughts come back. Especially when my stomach is empty. So I packed my lunch and made some diet coke chocolate cupcakes so I could satisfy Aunt Flo. This morning I had my usual breakfast of a slimfast and a fiber one bar. I can definitely say I'm back on track. I just keep reminding myself that today is a new day and I can't fix what I did, I can only learn from it and move forward.
Posted by Laura at 9:36 AM
Labels: Weight Woes
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I went to the gym tonight and asked about the guy who had a heart attack. Thank God Almighty, he is going to be fine!
Posted by Laura at 10:29 PM
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I find it so annoying when people over use apostrophes. It's like nails on a chalkboard.
The apostrophe has three uses:
1) show possession
3) to indicate certain plurals of lowercase letters.
(Thank you OWL)
They are not used just for fun or to look pretty. If your looking for something to abuse, try prescription drugs. Don't abuse punctuation.
If you enjoy punctuation as much as I do, try this.
Posted by Laura at 3:57 PM
Monday, May 12, 2008
It started as a normal trip to the gym. I was in the last stretch of my workout on the bike and rocking out to a little JT. All of the sudden I hear a loud thud. This has happened once before when I've been at the gym. A lady who thought she was ready to run at a steep incline fell off a treadmill. She had a few scrapes and was cursing out the gym for their unsafe equipment. I assumed this was the same sort of thing as I was turning around but then I heard people start yelling. "Call 911!" "Is anyone a doctor?" I could see a pair of legs between two elliptical machines. My heart dropped. Thank the Lord above that there happened to be a doctor there working out. He was able to do CPR until the paramedics arrived. They were there within a few minutes and continued CPR as they loaded him up in the ambulance. My heart was aching for this poor man. No one should have to die at the gym, that's like dying at work or the DMV. The only comforting thought I have is that since he was older (he appeared to be in his 70s) he was more likely to be there because he enjoyed it. I can't really picture an older person begrudgingly working out. As they were performing CPR, I just kept praying for him and his family.
Besides being so sad about the situation, I am really pissed off at the way some people reacted. From the moment I realized something was wrong I stopped my workout. I am a firm believer of not gawking or crowding. If you can't help then stay back. Yet, I find it unbelievable that some people continued their workout! Not like they didn't hear because their music was too loud, but they turned around saw what was going on and then went back to what they were doing. I just feel like that's so disrespectful. To me it says, "Oh that sucks that you might be dying but I've really gotta stay at my target heart rate."
What was even more insane was that a few of these people who continued their workout knew the guy. There are a handful of older men who work out at my gym. I overheard this conversation between two of them:
Guy A: Hey is he ok?
Guy B: I don't know, they are still performing CPR.
Guy A: Wow really? Is it anybody we know?
Guy B: Yeah it's Joe.
Guy A: Joe? You don't say.
Guy A then goes back to reading his book and walking on the treadmill.
At that point I lost it. It doesn't matter if he is only an acquaintance. You could at least pause your workout until they take him out of the building. I don't know if he heard me but I made sure to say loudly enough what a piece of crap I thought he was. I didn't even know the man and I was so upset, how can you not even flinch when someone you know is laying on the floor unconscious.
Thankfully there were people who people who jumped in to help out. There was the doctor who performed CPR and people who helped move equipment and clear a path for the stretcher. There was also a handful of people who stopped what they were doing while this was going on.
After they took him away, I left the gym. I couldn't just go back to my workout like nothing had happened. I got in my car and cried. I cried for this man and his family and I cried for the disregard some people have for human life. I am so sad, I just pray that they were able to save him. I tried looking on the internet, hoping maybe the OC register had a story about it so I could find out if he is ok but I couldn't find anything. I'm going to the gym tonight so hopefully they will know.
Posted by Laura at 9:48 AM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
My doggies refuse to let me sleep in on the weekends. I guess this is just a small taste of what it's like to have a kid. Bring on the birth control! They try their best to get me up around 7 but usually if I let them hop in bed with me, they'll wait it out until 8 or 830. Of course, they never go to John's side of the bed and make noise. As much as it drives me nuts, I do enjoy getting some time by myself. I get to catch up on my DVR and play on the computer.
Today is going to be a wonderful day. John just told me he's going to a car show today, woo hoo! As much as I love him, it's always nice to have a day to myself. He's not the type to sit around on the weekends, or ever really for that matter, whereas I'm fine spending a Saturday on the couch. If he doesn't have plans, he's always thinking of somewhere for us to go or something to do.
I'm meeting Christa to workout at 10 and after that the day is mine!
Posted by Laura at 9:14 AM
Monday, May 5, 2008
I really feel like laying down and throwing a tantrum like an infant. Some days I'm so tired of this weight loss game. I don't know if I'll ever figure it out.
I've decided, as much as it angers me, that my body is deadset on my current weight. About 2 months ago, I hit a plateau so I decided I would just try and maintain until after my birthday. Then after that I would try to lose those last 10 pounds. In Weight Watchers when you want to maintain your weight, you add in 2 extra points to your day and then see if you gain weight. If you gain more than 2 pounds, you cut those points out. If you don't gain or you still lose you add in 2 more. You continue this until you find the most points you can eat without gaining. This is such a scary thing because my problems are so mental. Even a minimal gain can send me into a craze. I think, "Screw it, I can't do this I'm destined to be fat." and run for my pantry. I know I have to change my way of thinking but I'm so hard on myself so any type of gain to me is a failure.
So I just kept telling myself I needed to give this a try and if I gained a few pounds I would just go back to losing mode. When I'm in losing mode I get 20 points a day so I added in 2 and nothing happened so I added in 2 more. I went up about a pound but it comes and goes so I decided to stop there. So I stayed at 24 points a day and it felt good to be able to eat a little bit more and not gain. Now that my birthday is over I was ready to lose again. So last week, I cut back to 20 points a day. I was excited to get on the scale on Saturday praying for a loss. Guess how much I lost?
So, so disappointing. I mean I couldn't even get a half a pound? I'm sure you're listing off all the reasons but I promise you, AF is nowhere near, I haven't had anymore sodium than normal and I was weighing at the same time and scale. I can't even put into words the frustration I feel with this. Maybe this is just the smallest my body can be. If so, that blows big time. I don't think I'm being unrealistic. Ten more pounds wouldn't put me in a class with Mary-Kate (or Ashley whichever one had the ED) or anything, I'd be 130.
I wonder if I'm too fixated on the number. If I could lose those last 10, I would be at 50 total since I began WW way back in the day. I have just always had 130 in my mind and feel like a failure if I accept that I won't meet my original goal. I have friends who are this weight or comparable in comparison to their height who I consider thin. I don't think I am thin and maybe I think if I can be like them, I'll be thin too. I know that everyone is different and I've got to work with the body God gave me. I try and tell myself this over and over but still part of me isn't satisfied. I just wish he'd give me the chance to test out 130 and see what it's like. Who knows, it may be too small for me. I mean if I lose anymore in my butt, I'm going to need to carry a doughnut with me to sit on. But my hope is that at least some of it would come out of my belly.
Some tell me not to lose any more, that I'd be too thin. I think that is a joke but even if it was true I just want to find it out for myself instead of have to put so much effort into convincing myself that this is a good weight for me.
Posted by Laura at 11:26 AM
Labels: Weight Woes