Blonde Ambition

Ever since Saturday my eating has been less than stellar. For some reason this month, the PMS monster had me in a tighter grip than usual. I've been snacking like crazy on not so healthy things. Plus, I skipped the gym on Monday night to go shopping. I know it's only one day but paired with bad eating habits I can quickly derail. Yesterday I thought I deserved a day to blow it big time and was excited to eat something really greasy. I convinced myself that I also didn't need to go to the gym that night. I went out at lunch and picked up some Chinese food and was so excited to get back and eat it. After I took the first bite I realized it wasn't as good as I had built it up to be in my head. I kept eating though, reminding myself I "deserve" this. Afterwards, I felt awful. Not only did my stomach hurt, I felt like a slug. All I wanted to do was lay down and take a nap. Even though I had already decided I deserved a night off from the gym, now I couldn't even imagine working out in this state.
Of course as it always happens when I gorge myself on junk, I beat myself up and labeled myself a failure. As I was driving home, I was shaming myself with the usual things I say when I've blown it in the past. "You might as well just give up." "I knew you couldn't keep this up, you might as well accept your fate as a fatty." Then I had a moment and one of those cheesy motivational Weight Watcher lines popped into my head. "If you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got." This made me think of two things. If I keep convincing myself I'm a failure at staying thin long term, I'll continue a lifestyle of yo-yo weight loss. I don't want that and this is the closest I've been to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I want to keep it that way rather than this become just another period in my life where I've lost weight. It's been 8 months since I got serious about getting in shape and it would really suck to have to start that count over. It also made me think, since it has been 8 months, obviously I've been doing something right. I can go back to my normal routine and I'll be fine. I may gain a few pounds but after a few days back in the swing of things it will come back off. So I realized it comes down to a decision. Let this be the mistake that derails all my hardwork or let it be a lesson and an opportunity to grow.
I chose the latter and decided that even though I felt like crap and had told myself I deserved a day off from the gym, I needed to go. I knew it would get me back on track and plus I really enjoy working out. Especially since I would have missed my step class. So as soon as I got home, I changed into my workout clothes. I can't stand the thought of taking off workout clothes without having actually worked out so I knew that once they were on I'd make it to the gym. I got to the gym and it felt good to be there. Even though I had only missed one workout I felt out of whack. Class was good but I could definitely feel my Chinese food bouncing around. Half way through I actually threw up in mouth. Sorry that is so disgusting but it really reminded me of another reason to not eat like crap. Besides keeping my weight in check, staying within my points makes me feel so much stronger and energetic. I was able to make it through but with a lot less vigor than usual.
Last night I knew I needed to equip myself. As much as I was motivated, it's still easy to let those negative thoughts come back. Especially when my stomach is empty. So I packed my lunch and made some diet coke chocolate cupcakes so I could satisfy Aunt Flo. This morning I had my usual breakfast of a slimfast and a fiber one bar. I can definitely say I'm back on track. I just keep reminding myself that today is a new day and I can't fix what I did, I can only learn from it and move forward.

Posted by Laura at 9:36 AM

Labels: Weight Woes