Saturday, May 16, 2009

Moving on

First of all, I have to say I am so incredibly grateful for every one of your thoughtful comments. I feel so incredibly lucky to be "surrounded" by such great people. All of your thoughts and prayers are so appreciated and I know I am going to make it through this.

Yesterday (Friday) was the d&c. I really think the worst part was not being able to eat or drink anything after midnight on Thursday. They really mean nothing. The instructions even said chewing gum was out of the question.

So I tried my best to sleep in and relax before we had to leave. We needed to leave the house by 11:15 so I enjoyed The Price is Right and then got ready to go. As I was walking to the car, a mother effing bug flew in my ear! It went straight in there and would not come out. I could feel it flitting around. After nearly killing my eardrum, I was able to get it out with a q-tip. I started crying. It was one of those FML moments.

After the bug debacle, we were off to the Hoag Outpatient Surgery Center, which funny enough is not at Hoag but across the street. Since we are ballers, we valet parked. Ok, we are actually lazy and parking is a total biotch so we took the easy route. When we got into the front office, I had to sign a bunch of paperwork and that is when it sunk in. It's over, there is officially no hope of discovering later that they were wrong and there is a healthy baby growing inside of me. At that point, I lost it.

I blubbered the whole way as they got me ready for the surgery and went over the procedure. I don't know why but I kept apologizing. I was emotional plus starving and I just couldn't keep it in. Everyone there was really understanding and only once person decided to inform me that everything happens for a reason. She even prefaced it with, "I know you don't want to hear this." I contemplated punching her but I didn't want to rip out my IV.

After waiting for what felt like an eternity, they shot me up with a fabulous cocktail and within seconds I was giggling like a school girl. After that they wheeled me back and I don't remember anything from that point. The next thing I knew, I was in recovery. I didn't feel too bad, just a little bit of cramping. They gave me some pain medication and I quickly felt better. After about half an hour, they wheeled me to the car and we were on our way home. I dined on some fabulous mac and cheese and napped for awhile. Later, I was actually feeling pretty good so we went to dinner with some friends. Today, I've just been taking it easy. My parents brought us lunch and I've been working on some sewing projects I've been putting off.

So all and all, I survived and I'm so glad I went with the d&c. Even as of yesterday morning, I hadn't had any bleeding or cramping so who knows how long it would have taken my body to naturally miscarry. It really baffles me that my body still hadn't realized that the baby stopped growing. I guess it's a good thing that my body tried so hard to hold on. I don't know if it really means something but it makes me feel better.

As far as moving forward and trying again, I'm really unsure. The NP we saw right after we found out said we should wait 1 to 2 cycles and the doctor told me 2 to 3 cycles. Everything I've read said it isn't any riskier to get pregnant right away. I've heard a few stories of friends of friends who got pregnant their first cycle after the miscarriage and their babies are fine. So I'm not sure what to do. I want to do what is best but if there really isn't any reason to wait, I'd rather not. It took us a few months the first time anyways so who knows if I would even get pregnant right away. I guess I have some time to figure it out, I was given a list of things I can't do for 2 weeks and that includes doin' it. Lucky for hubby, 2 weeks ends on his birthday :)


I'm glad that the D&C was as positive as it could be and that you seem to be doing okay. As far as TTC again goes, just make sure that your body and mind are both ready. The emotional component of trying again seems to be the hardest for most people, but I honestly have no practical experience with this.

Anyway, giant hugs to you - have a wonderful rest of the weekend. :)

I have no good advice - all I can say is that I am glad you got through it, and I have my fingers crossed for you whenever you are ready to give it another go. ((HUGS))

I'm glad everything went well. And again, I'm sorry that you're even having to deal with this in the first place. :(

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