Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Not the return to blogging I had hoped for

I haven't blogged in awhile and had hoped to return with a great announcement. At the end of March I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately, at our appointment last Friday, when I should have been 10 weeks, we found out the baby had stopped growing at 6 1/2 weeks. I can honestly say this was the worst moment of my life. From the moment I got the positive result on the home pregnancy test, I had the fear that something like this would happen. I think every pregnant woman has this fear. Sadly my fears became a reality.

I can't help but be a mix of emotions. Beyond being incredibly sad, I'm angry. Why me? When so many irresponsible people get pregnant on accident and deliver a healthy baby, why do I not even make it out of the first trimester? I don't begrudge anyone I care about a baby but I just can't make sense out of how God decides which babies will make it and which ones won't.
I have a D&C scheduled for Friday and I think after that I will actually feel better. That way it will be done and we can move on and start trying again in a few months. Right now I'm just in limbo, trapped in a body that still thinks it's pregnant. I'm still dealing with the occasional nausea but now there is no light at the end of the tunnel to get me through it.

In order to keep myself from slitting my wrists vertically, I'm trying to focus on the positives. I had only gone off the pill 2 months prior to getting pregnant. So I am so thankful to even be able to get pregnant in the first place. I know of some people dealing with infertility and my heart breaks for them. Thankfully I'm still young so I don't have my biological clock ticking loudly in my ear.

My game plan is get my butt back in shape. In the months we were trying, I really slacked because I figured, "What's the point? Eventually I'll be pregnant and it won't matter." Then once I became pregnant, I got a ton of bloat. I didn't gain any weight but my belly became a fat, squishy bump. So my goal is to get back into my old workout routine and get serious about WW again. Hopefully I can start my next pregnancy a lot lighter than I started this one.

I'm so incredibly lucky, I have some great friends and family who have been supportive. Even though it's hard to "untell" people, I'm glad there were people who knew. I can't imagine going through this without anyone knowing. Even if I could do it all over again I would still tell those closest to me because they are the ones helping me get through it. Hubby has been absolutely amazing. Even though he's really disappointed, he's been so selfless and supportive.
So all in all, I'm doing ok. I know we'll survive and one way or another we'll have kids someday.

Oh by the way, if you ever encounter a woman who has gone through a miscarriage, please refrain from saying, "Everything happens for a reason." The next person who tells me that is getting punched in the throat.


Oh, Laura! I'm so sorry. :(

I am livid at anyone who tells you "everything happens for a reason." This is b.s., insensitive, and untrue.

Big hug for you.

I'm so sorry. :-(

I'm so sorry ((HUGS)) And ditto Monkey on the "reason" comments.

Oh, man. I am so sorry you've had to go through this.

IMO, "everything happens for a reason" is a stupid cop-out way to explain something painful and senseless. And I am sorry that people have said that to you.

Hope you're doing okay, and I'm so glad you have supportive people around you during this time.

Laura, I am so sorry. I'm fighting back tears right now just thinking about what you are going through. I'm glad you have a support system to help you through this.


I am so sorry, Laura. Take care of yourself. :(

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I'm so sorry;( wish I could be there to give you a huge hug.


oh, god, laura. i'm so, so sorry. i know it doesn't help, but this happened to us too, before the bean. we were devastated and i couldn't stop crying for days.

know that i'm here if you need someone to talk to, anytime.

I am so sorry. :-(

I think throat punching anyone who says something inappropriate would be completely justified under the circumstances.

Big, big hugs. I am so sorry.

I'm always here for you.


I'm so, so, so sorry to hear this!

You're in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear this. :( You guys are in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words to comfort. I hope today goes by quickly for you. Lean on your friends.

And people that say everything happens for a reason or it wasn't meant to be, etc. can SUCK IT.

Oh no! I'm so sorry this happened Laura! I hate idiots with lame and empty condolences. Throat punch away!

One of the greatest gifts is having an awesome and supportive husband during this crazy time. :)

Hope you feel better soon!

Sorry to hear of your loss :( I think that people offer that platitude because they have nothing else to say...unfortunately most people don't know that saying nothing would be preferable.

So sorry for your loss Laura. I cant imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your Husband! You will get through this and succeed!!

I am deeply and truely sorry for your loss, Laura.

I am so sorry. Hugs to you!!

I'm really sorry to hear this. :(


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